Single and not good enough to mingle?

This week I am turning 34. It seems that the birthday week bringing with it an overwhelming sense of panic as well as an insatiable need for evaluation and contemplation, has become standard practice in my life. So, as per usual, I've been thinking about where I am in my life, and how much closer I am to having all the things I have ever wanted. Turns out, not that close.

Growing up, I had always thought that I would be married at 28 ,with my first kid on the way around 30-31 years old. When those hopes and dreams started to look like nothing more than a mirage in the desert, I changed my plan. I had hoped that if I were to ever start a family and have kids of my own, I would have my first kid by age 34. Well, that looks like a pipe dream right about now. To further worsen these feelings of inadequacy, this week someone sent me a 42 minute video on TD Jakes speaking about being single. FORTY TWO minutes about the single life. It was almost as torturous as the idea of being a first-time bride at age 42...almost. But here's why I don't think Bishop/Pastor/Reverend TD Jakes, or anyone else who is married, should lecture single people on the single life.

1. Don't be a hypocrite:
TD Jakes advises that people should stay single until they are whole and complete as an individual...ummm...didn't TD Jakes get married at 24? Is he telling me that he was more complete and whole at 24 than me at 34??? Most of the people advising us singletons say "Be a complete individual who doesn't need someone to complete you"...and most of them were miraculously "complete and whole" before the age of 30.

2. Don't give advice based on theory:
I don't know one married person who would take advice from a single person on how to be married...so WHY on earth should we be taking advice on how to be single in our thirties, from those who were wed in their twenties??? Speak on what you know from experience and it will carry more weight.

3. Don't underestimate my "completeness":
TD Jakes mentioned it in this video but I have read this in so many articles written for people who are single in their 30's; "become a complete/whole individual before thinking about finding someone" or "people will be more attracted to you if you are a whole and complete individual". That's a great sentiment, but here is the reality: I, like so many other single women in their 30's, pay my own bills, have a great job that I am fairly good at, have other interests/pursuits/hobbies such as singing, recording music etc., cook, keep a clean and orderly house, take care of my pets like they are my children, make time for friends and family and have many other things that didn't make the grade to be specified on this list, but most certainly happen in my life. How much more "whole" or "complete" would you like me to be? Should I be graduating with a post-doctoral fellowship in Neurological Science before I am considered worthy of looking for a husband? And if so, where's yours?

4. Don't judge me for wanting love:
Wanting a life partner to share and build and grow with in love doesn't make me lonely, or sad, or a loser. It makes me human. Every one of us needs, wants and craves a source of love in our lives that is tangible. And that's ok. And it doesn't make us less of a person. If I were to follow this logic, I would conclude that all married people are losers, because they needed someone else to complete them. That isn't true and neither is the converse.

So please, as a service to the general public, the next time you want to make someone feel good about their single life, DON'T! Life is tough enough without people telling us we're not even good enough to want or look for love, let alone good enough to find and keep it.

How to fall in love with your lonely life

This post is for all the beautiful, talented, got-their-s#%@-together, responsible, 30-something single girls (and  guys) out there. Because I am female, I write from a feminine perspective, but I hope this post is relatable irrespective of gender. I've been reading a lot lately about creating the reality you want. I definitely believe that the Universe reciprocates positive energy and God responds to our faith. But I also know how tough it can be to remember all the nuggets found in all the self-improvement literature we've devoured and vociferously advocated all week, in that moment on a Friday night or Saturday morning when we find ourselves all alone in the world. And while we may have a wonderful social circle, friends and family who love us and the cutest puppy on the entire planet as our constant and consistent cuddle-buddy, in those moments of weakness, all this pales in comparison to our looming loneliness for eternity (I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this dramatic about my feelings)!

Your best girlfriends are usually taking their kids to Tennis or Ballet on a Saturday morning, your younger siblings are off on another carefree adventure, your closest cousins are coupled off and as such doing "couply" things and you find yourself wondering why you didn't give that guy who texts you everyday just to tell you what day of the week it is a chance to woo you (the reason you didn't is because there was no chemistry and you refuse to settle for a guy who may run out of conversational topics within the first two days of an entire life together). You think about texting the guy you're "having fun with - nothing serious", but then you remember there is NOTHING FUN about not hearing from him every Friday night...so your pride gets the better of you.

Well, here's how you fall in love with your lonely life:

1. CREATE A SANCTUARY
Your home is just that, yours. Decorate it your way. Fill it with the scents, sights and sounds that YOU love. Scented candles, luxurious linen, music that soothes the soul.

2. PLAY HOST EVEN WHEN NO-ONE IS VISITING
We're all great hosts/hostesses when we have guests over. We cook delicious meals, lay out elaborate snack spreads and even break out the "good wine". But when we're alone it just seems like it isn't worth the effort. Well it is. So make yourself that delicious meal, set out a platter of snacks and pour yourself a glass of the good wine. Because, you're worth it!

3. ENJOY THE SWEET PLEASURE OF NOTHINGNESS
Do nothing, all day. Lie in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, with nowhere to be and no-one to see. Run a bubble bath, pour some wine and listen to the best of Kenny G (that's my bath-time ritual - you may prefer a different musical selection), re-filling the tub with hot water when necessary and feeling the tension leave your body, with no-one calling out your name or asking you what time dinner will be ready.

4. RE-IGNITE YOUR INNER ROMANTIC

Watch the movies you love, those old movies that no significant other ever wanted to watch with you on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Queue up some favourites (some of mine are Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Way We Were, When Harry Met Sally) and enjoy an entire bowl of butter popcorn all to yourself as you swoon over the likes of Robert Redford and George Peppard, lamenting the fact that they "just don't make them like that anymore" (the movies or the men)!

5. FIND YOUR JOIE-DE-VIVRE
Put on some banging club tunes and unleash your inner Missy Elliott, or walk like an Egyptian to the sounds of the '80's. Dance like no-one is watching, 'cos there is literally NO-ONE watching (except aforementioned cute puppy).

6. RE-DISCOVER YOUR INNER CHILD
Sit outside, on a blanket, in the sun (with some SPF 50 on), enjoying the sounds of nature as you lose yourself in a colouring book...for a few hours...with nothing to worry about but what colour you will use next.

7. FEED YOUR MIND
Spend the entire day reading a bestseller that no-one else you know has had the time to read yet. Or re-read your old favourites (The Queen & I, Jane Eyre, Mansfield Park, the list really is endless). Reading is a way to travel, without leaving the comfort of home.

8. BINGE-WATCH ANYTHING YOU WANT
I once spent an entire weekend watching Tupac documentaries. Every single one I could find. Because my time is my own. And I can indulge my theories devoid of judgement.

9. BROWSE THE INTERNET WITH NO SPECIFIC RESEARCH SUBJECT IN MIND
Let your clicks take on a mind of their own...jump from one article to the next, getting lost in the wealth of information, imagery and entertainment (sometimes mindless drivel) readily available online. You may even stumble upon something interesting that you might love, like this blog!

10. DRESS UP, OR DRESS DOWN
Put on your fanciest satin lingerie and lie around with a rich avocado mask on your face, eating junk-food and sipping on frozen margaritas. Or veg in your most comfy sweats (you know the ones with the whole in the crotch that you just haven't gotten round to mending yet), quenching your thirst with champagne. There is no-one around to judge you or make you feel less than perfect for your choices.

We have this one life. And it's beautiful, and amazing, and indulgent, and sad, and everything in between. No-one walks the same path as you. You decide how to live your life, but do you really want to spend it waiting for a text back?

Harambe...my thoughts. ..

Ok...after watching all the videos and reading all the write-ups (and trolling all the comments😒)...here's my #2cents on the shooting of #Harambe:
1. A person who let's their four year old crawl close enough to the enclosure at the zoo that they can fall in, is a dumbass who should probably not have kids...the zookeepers are not always going to be there with a shotgun to save you.
2. The #Cincinnatizookeeper said people who think the child was not in danger don't understand Primate Biology...if you do then why don't you fence the enclosures correctly so humans can't climb in?
3. #Harambe was raised in captivity, not a wild animal...why didn't the zookeepers and handlers who understood the gorilla they raised from 21 days old for 17 years step into the enclosure and deal with the situation calmly?

In closing... #cincinattizoo should be shut down because they clearly neither understand nor care about the animals in their care.

For my mom, a year later

Though words cannot adequately express how i feel, I tried anyway...

A year without rain, my soul is in drought
A year without sunshine, because I'm without
My mother, my all
I long for your call

The colours seeped out of my world
Everything faded to grey
It seems happiness was silenced
A year ago today

The pain is still unbearable
The sorrow still deep
Though I know God has his plans
I wish you were ours to keep

A broken version of the girl you raised
I'm not really myself any longer
Only having you back
Could make me feel stronger

You didn't just leave a void
We didn't just lose a mom
Dad didn't just lose a wife
We lost our whole life.

When I was in my twenties...

This morning, as I stood in the shower, washing away all the troubles of the previous day, a new trouble reared its ugly, looming head... I realised that I was beginning the very last week of my twenties. Ah the twenties, those fun, carefree days...


It got me thinking about my twenties, and resulted in this trip down memory lane. When I was in my twenties, I was the first person in my family to get a University degree. I was the first person in my family to live abroad, and it was a glorious 2 years in my absolute favourite city on the entire planet. I lived in a country where I knew no-one and no-one knew me, but I left with the most loving caring friends who still today are family to me. London life was fun, with very little to worry about and nothing to spend my money on but me, and aforementioned fun! When I was in my twenties I moved to the City of Gold and snagged a high flying job in the city. I lived on my own and had a group of amazing friends and went out partying every Friday and every Saturday night in a row, and had the energy to keep going through the week! When I was in my twenties I met some of the most influential sportspeople of our time. I met and fell in what I thought was "love" with the "man of my dreams"...which later turned out to be more of a nightmare than anything else. When I was in my twenties I took a breather from big city life and moved home to my loving and supportive family for a few months...only to move back to the city when I was mended and the lights called my name. When I was in my twenties I got the most awesome pets, including my Toy French Poodle Ozzie, who is the love of my life and my saving grace. When I was in my twenties I took a risk, took a chance, pursued the career I had never dreamed possible for myself, and made it a reality. When I was in my twenties, I lost 22kgs and found my self-confidence. When I was in my twenties, I was a regular actress on 2 of South Africa's prime time Soapies. When I was in my twenties I became a TV presenter and regular co-host of a TV programme I grew up watching. When I was in my twenties, I met and fell in what I think I know is "love" with the man of my nightmares on paper, but the man of my dreams in my heart. Sounds like a great decade, right? When I was in my twenties, I lost my whole world when I lost my mom to a brief battle with cancer.


As I go into my 30's, I can only hope that this next decade is as memorable, and that the turmoil and grief gets easier to live with. As I go into my 30's I realise all I can take with me from day to day, year to year, and decade to decade, are my memories, my love and the hope that the best is yet to come.

A different path...

Did you ever take a few steps without knowing where you were going? And then a few more steps... without thinking? And next thing you know, you're on a different path than you ever thought you would be...

We look at those around us with judgemental eyes, disdainful smiles and disappointed minds... thinking "what are they doing?" But do we know what we're doing? Do we know where we're going?

Perhaps the time has come to choose blissful ignorance rather than a lifetime of painful and unfruitful searching...perhaps the time has come to choose the people who want happiness rather than complexity...perhaps the time has come to choose something...rather than fall for anything...

The end of the world as we know it...

It's been more than a month since my world was shattered into a million miniscule pieces... more than a month since the centre of my universe was violently and suddenly, yet peacefully and expectedly, taken away from me. I feel numb and yet feel a thousand emotions at the same time. I feel sad, melancholy, angry and scared all day. I feel like my life has no meaning, like none of our lives have a meaning...if the most loving, generous, caring, kind, wonderful, impactful person I have ever known no longer exists, just like that, and the world goes on as normal, then what is the point of any of us being any of those things? I dream of my mom and I awake feeling desperately sad and alone, wishing that I too could be dead, either to be where she is or to cease to exist so that I don't have to feel this way any longer. I want to sleep forever so that I can see her in my dreams, hug her, talk to her, laugh with her. It's unfair that she's gone, at the age of 48, when there are so many people who really don't want to be here anymore. It's unfair that I had an amazing mom, who lived for her family and loved like no other, and now she's gone and somehow the three of us that remain have to go on. I want to go on to escape this misery, but will escaping this misery mean I'm leaving her behind...forgetting her? Why would God or whoever is in charge give us this amazing being, only to take her away and cause us so much pain? How do I rejoin the world when my world is gone? I don't see colours anymore...all I see is grey and I don't know how to face another day...

"Who cares...I mean in 50 years men are gonna be obsolete anyways"

So it's just another wintery Wednesday night...home in bed, PJ's on, poodle snuggling, watching Sex and the City reruns...and this line pops up out of nowhere (well...out of the mouth of feisty, fire-maned Miranda)...and it got me thinking...

I mean, these days women earn their own money, fix their own cars, have the option of conceiving children without a man present...so what is it about the male species that we so crave/desire/long for? Boyfriends are great fun, don't get me wrong, but what is it that makes one crave them when they clearly have no interest in being around everyday...if they don't need our company on a daily basis, why do we need theirs? Why do days apart feel like years, and days together feel like hours? Why do they consume our thoughts; their every action, word and drunken slur subjected to hours of analysis, cross-examination and drill-downs involving as many ears as will listen?

I don't have the answer yet, but the Sherlock Holmes in me is most definitely on a mission to find out what makes his company my drug and why with every fix, however uneventful, I yearn for more...

Letter to my 20 year old self...

Dear, sweet, naive 20 year old me...

We are now nearing the end of our twenties...one glorious year left! So I thought I'd take the time to take stock and tell you the things I wish we'd known nearly a decade ago...

1. It's OK to make mistakes...

Mistakes give us experience. They show us who we don't want to be, which in turn tells us who we DO want to be. Mistakes let others know we don't have it all together. When they know we don't have it all together, they expect less, and we fear disappointing them less. This gives us freedom to become who we were meant to be a lot sooner in life.

2. We don't have to wait for the perfect guy to start dating...

There's no such thing as the perfect guy...or the perfect relationship...or the perfect anything. Having fun and going on dates doesn't make us "easy" or bad...it all just adds to experience, and prepares us for the future. The future is tough...but keeping things in perspective gets us through. If they were strangers before, they can be strangers once more.

3. Love is not "Mr.Right"...

Love is being happy when you look in the mirror. Love is accepting your imperfections and knowing that the longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so you'd best get to loving you! Love is the puppy who licks your face after you've left him alone all day. Love is the parents who fork out hundreds of thousands of rands to give you the best education and a chance in life, only to fork out thousands more when you're 28 to allow you to follow your dreams. So love is not just having someone to spend the 14th of February with. Love is, actually, all around us...

4. The sooner you follow your dreams, the better...

Everything that has happened in life thus far has brought us to where we are now. But there is nothing wrong with following the dreams you've had since you were 12, rather than the dreams other people had for you or your generation. When you know your talents, nurture them, push them and live the best life for you.

5. Enjoy EVERY experience...

Most importantly, enjoy every phase of this fleeting life. One minute you're a teenager with not a care in the world but the report card not being up to scratch, and before you know it you're turning 29 and have nothing to show for your time but a few travels and a degree. Don't stress about what's to come, enjoy what's here, now. Before you know it, it will be a decade later and you'll be wishing you could go back and enjoy every experience with the naievety of the inexperienced 20 year old you once were.

Time...

Time. To some it's of the essence. To some it's running out. To some it's the most precious gift ever given...and the most precious thing ever taken away. We all, every last one of us walking this earth, breathing this air, have been given the same gift, the same precious commodity. Will a day come where we will be accountable for how we have used this gift? Will we have to answer for the hours we wasted chasing the material possessions that gave us an air of self-importance? Will we have to justify the hours we spent in the company of idle minds and idle hands? Will we be asked to account for the time we invested in helping others achieve dreams and overcome social injustices?

Will a higher power deem our efforts or management of what time we had as futile? Will the mismanagement of our present under the pretence of "living in the now" affect how we spend eternity?

The older I get the more I realise the importance of sharing time, rather than passing time. The importance of enjoying the time we've been given in the company of people who lift us up, make us happy, share our laughter and tears, and make us better people.

When the sand runs out...we can only hope to leave this place the better for having had us...

Harry's Crown Jewels take centre stage!

OK...let's face it...it was only a matter of time before the Royal Playboy's goods would be all over the net for girls around the world to ogle. But now that the time has come:

1) Has it lived up to all the anticipation/expectation? His rear is a little on the pasty side. He does, however, display a magnificent physique sans clothing.

2) He appears in these photos to be completely nude...sockless even. These pics were supposedly taken during a game of "strip pool", which begs the question... just how poor is his pool-playing ability???

3) He's just come off a royal tour of duty representing Her Majesty the Queen in the Jubilee celebrations, as well as representing Her Majesty at the Olympic closing ceremony. Perhaps he wanted to remind the world that the old, fun-loving Harry is still around, lest we mistake him for a serious royal...or worse...a grown-up!

4) And MOST importantly, while he obviously exhibited a clear lapse in judgement (perhaps aided by alcohol) by letting strange and random girls come up to his suite to play strip-anything...is that ANY way to repay the man for his hospitality...by photographing his naked ass and then posting it all over the net??? Yes he's a Royal, yes he's a prominent figure, yes he's a celebrity...but he's also just a guy who went to Vegas to chill and let loose (maybe a little too loose...he clearly needs to work on his pool game). Whoever he invited to party with him should have had the decency to party with him within the confines of the suite he obviously took them to for privacy...and if they didn't like what was going on, they should have exercised their right to leave and left him with his right to party...however little attire he chose to wear!

Life is but a series of good days and bad days...

Wow...what an incredibly awesome day I had today! Cleaned the flat, went to gym...had a really good and ENJOYABLE workout (say whaaat?!?!), cooked a delish pasta, took the pooch for a looong walk, prepared a radio piece, wrote an audition soliloquy and then did my absolute favourite thing in the world to do...watched test cricket (SA vs. Australia)! And then I came to this really important realisation...life is but a series of good days and bad days. I found such comfort in the simplicity of it all. Then I basked in the glory of my "Ah moment" and just HAD to blog about it...cos that's just what we do!

Happiness is…

There are those who believe that happiness is a state of mind. These are generally the same people who subscribe to the ideology that it is the power of positive thinking that invokes a sense of happiness and contentment in an otherwise miserable existence. Then there are those who believe that happiness comes from achieving one’s goals, acquiring wealth and utilizing said wealth to realize the dreams one has nurtured since childhood – dreams of flashy sports cars, expensive and elaborately decorated mansions in affluent neighbourhoods, designer clothing and membership to the most elite country club. In short, the ‘top billing’ lifestyle that only a vulgar excess of money can bring. These people are usually the ones who would do anything to clinch the deal or get their hands on the largest piece of the profit pie.

Me, I believe that happiness is a secret your heart keeps. It can be likened to a coy young bride who reveals only the slightest glimpses of skin on her wedding day. She looks so beautiful, pure and attractive. This is not the type of attraction that leads to a one night stand…not lust. This is love, for a lifetime. He knows all that he could have when he decides to spend the rest of his life loving that girl. But he has to work for it, work for her affection. It’s the same way with happiness. It’s not a quick fix, a feeling we can summon whenever we are feeling like life has got the better of us. Happiness, you may be amazed to hear, is not a “pick-me-upper.” It’s in the moments we spend in the midst of good friends and good conversation, in the long summer days spent with family on the beach, in the hours spent showering our loyal and loving dogs with the attention and affection they so desperately desire and deserve for being there when no-one else was, in the lazy mornings we waste in front of the television in our pyjamas, eating a bowl of cornflakes. It’s in the loud, action packed Saturday afternoons enjoyed at sports bars amongst fellow sports fans, wearing our colours and watching our favourite teams battling it out on the soccer/cricket/rugby field for pride and glory and in the Sunday afternoon naps we steal after a big, greasy, indulgent breakfast. It’s in hearing an old song that transports you to a time gone by, or in seeing that the boyband of your high school fantasies has reunited to do another tour – except now they’re all men, balding and fat with no business claiming to be a boyband any longer. It’s in the Christmas carols that take us back to when we were kids, putting out milk and cookies for Santa Claus.

It’s in the everyday moments, and not necessarily in every momentous day. Happiness is there, inside every one of us. All we have to do is fine-tune the eyes of our soul to sneak a glance at those fleeting moments when our heart reveals a part of the secret…

Life is a funny thing…

I’ve travelled down this road in my mind so many times…visualizing every step of the way; every major milestone. I thought I knew how things would turn out, or at very least the closest possible permutation.

See as children we all have dreams, which turn into hopes by the time we hit high school. These hopes form the basis of goals when we embark on the university journey, and by the time we start our first job they’ve usually evolved into a checklist.

When I was a child I had dreams of being a doctor, or a politician, or a singer, or a Mickey Mouse Club Mouseketeer. By high-school, I had taken to idolizing the Mousketeers, but I realized I couldn’t be one…it just wasn’t going to happen. I was not a blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen wannabe from a small town in Texas, Arkansas or Louisiana…and I didn’t have a single parent bussing me around the American countryside to audition for everything and the Cat’s Pyjamas! So I studied subjects that would help me fulfil my hopes of becoming a doctor. By this point all my family and their family had caught onto this dream and harboured and nurtured and fed it every chance they got. I thrived on the idea of helping people and said the things everyone wanted to hear. School was never a struggle, but perhaps if I had taken subjects that I was passionate about, I may have been more inspired to study harder. Instead, I just plodded along and most of high school, as enjoyable as it was, is now a vague and distant memory.
I didn’t get into medical school because of a quota system to regulate the opportunity in a once apartheid-ruled state. So I took the next best thing – Biomedical Science. A year of plants, plants and more plants…NOT EXACTLY what I had in mind! After failing my Chemistry theory exam miserably (17%) to be exact, I decided to opt for laziness and went the route of a private party college, 3 hours of lectures a day…and completed my B.Com in Applied Economics.
Then I went to London for two amazing years but had to return to sunny (did I mention I hate the sun) South Africa thanks once again to the fact that I was born in this once apartheid-ruled state and I have no British ancestry.

After a few years of Marketing Communications, which I found frightfully enjoyable, I am now a Research Executive...go figure!

So now I am 27. A researcher, not a doctor. I still love to sing, but alas after 3 Idols appearances still not a famous singer. Where I once had dreams of being a beautiful bride at my winter wonderland white wedding at 27, I don’t even know one guy I would consider spending forever with (forever is a LOOOOOONG time). I don’t drive a Matte black BMW X5 with titanium spinners and blacked out windows. And I don’t live on a palatial estate with 15 bedrooms and a grass tennis court for a lawn in Kent.

So it begs the question, do there exist people in this strange world of ours whose lives turn out exactly as they planned? And if so, how do they do it? And if not, well…life is a funny thing, isn’t it?

For Club or Country…

There are 50 million South Africans. Of that, approximately 24.5 million are male. To break it down further, about 13 million, give or take a few, are between the ages of 16 and 35 years old. There are 11 places in the national cricket team. 5 of those are pretty much cemented. This leaves 6 much coveted spots to be fought over by these millions.

Cricket is widely regarded as the unofficial national sport of South Africa. It is the second most popular sport in the country, and the most popular amongst English-speaking nationals. School boys dream of walking out onto the pitch at the Wanderers, dressed in the “Green and Gold,” representing the land of their birth. They envision themselves stepping up to the crease; Gunn & Moore bat in hand (the bat of choice for most South Africans), in crisp whites, Protea emblem proudly emblazoned on their chest, playing England in a test at Lords.

These are the dreams of a nation who give their all to win, be it representing their school, province or South Africa. Their talents are cultivated in the hopes that they will one day play for the Proteas. Then one day a Pakistani gets selected to play in the World Cup team. I don’t mean for this to sound xenophobic in any way, but it hardly seems fair for the millions of South African boys who have toiled under the African sun, sacrificed weekends, nights out, childhood fun and even academics to pay their dues to the South African cricketing fraternity, with their eyes ever-fixed on the ultimate prize-representing their country. In essence, the selection of a Pakistani has robbed a South African of their dream, their place in the national side. I am all for the idea that we need to pick the best eleven and give our country the best chance at winning the World Cup. But this is the WORLD CUP. This is not the IPL or any other such franchise league. This is the most prestigious trophy in world cricket. It is a tournament played by countries. Some reports on the 2011 World Cup state that there are no fewer than 25 South African born players in this year’s tournament. In essence, South Africa could have two squads playing in this World Cup. Surely then, this cannot be labelled a tournament of countries. South Africa should be represented by the best eleven South African cricketers, India by the best Indians, the Netherlands by the best Dutch players and England by the best English players and so on and so forth.

I have absolutely nothing against Imraan Tahir, he seems a very talented, more than capable cricketer. But there are plenty leagues in the world for cricketers to be transferred and paid what they are worth. The World Cup, however, should showcase the best homegrown talent that each country has to offer.

Highlights of IPL 3

Ok, so we all know who the star performers of IPL 3 have been thus far. That's what the Orange and Purple cap rankings tell us. To date, Sachin Tendulkar, Jacques Kallis, Suresh Raina, M.Vijay and "Dada" have performed superbly with the bat. The pick of the bowlers has been Deccan Chargers' Pragyan Ojha, with R.Vinay Kumar of the Royal Challengers Bangalore and Delhi's Amit Mishra not too far behind.

The cricket has been entertaining; the batting's been explosive, the bowling magnificent and the fielding...well...let's just say some of those catches were bordering on supernatural - motivated by the Karbonn Kamaal prizemoney no doubt! Then there have been the "dancing girls"...scantily clad cheerleaders who provide a source of eye-candy to the legions of male fans watching across the world.

Another highlight of this edition of the IPL has been the plethora of Bollywood stars pledging their allegiance to specific franchises and turning up at matches to show their support (we're sure this is purely driven by a passion for the game, with the thought of publicity implications not even once having crossed their minds...).

Harsha Bhogle and Danny Morrison's rapport has been a great source of comic relief for many, and of the countless quotes that have made me laugh so hard that I cried, I have to say my favourite has been:

Harsha: "Danny, why do you use one eye when you can use two?"

Speaking of hilarious quotes, who nearly experienced heart failure when Chennai & Team India Skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni told of his biking escapades in the still of the night, around Chennai's "Red Light Areas"??? Ok so we all know he meant red light (as in traffic light), but that doesn't make it any less funny! Hmmm...honest mistake or Freudian Slip? You decide...

But of all the enjoyment IPL 3 has provided, one of my favourite things to see was the metamorphosis of previously ordinary looking players into serious HOTTIES (sorry, there's no better word to describe them).

So here are my Top 10 Hotties of IPL 3, counting down from 10 to 1:

10. Shikar Dhawan - This guy has performed relatively well with the bat, and his muscle definition has improved drastically between IPL 2 & 3, but he needs to know that sunglasses are for when the sun is out. Wearing sunnies at 9pm leads to one thing and one thing only - dropped catches!

9. Ravi Bopara - Boy has this lad's look changed! Formerly known as "Puppy", teammates now refer to him as "Pitbull" for sure. Just a word of advice though, if you want to keep that physique...go easy on Preity's Parathas;-)

8. Saurabh Tiwary - Commonly referred to as the new Mahi (huge shoes to fill), I must admit only the hair and the massive shots with the willow resemble MSD. A tall and strapping youngster with one of the prettiest faces in the tournament, his chiseled features will ensure that even if cricket doesn't work out for him (which I do believe it will as he is quite a talent), he can always venture into the glitz and glamour of the modelling world.

7. Dmitri Mascarenhas- Ok, so we know his involvement in IPL 3 ground to a halt fairly early on in the competition - when he sustained an Achilles injury - but Dimi has definitely transformed into something of a hottie this season. It seems he just gets better with age!

6. Robin Uthappa - With a name change to suit the newfound coolness, Robbie's strength training has done wonders for him in more ways than one. Robbie has increased his strength by 70%, completely transformed his physique and is hitting the ball out the park every match! It has to be said...this guy's got game!

5. Irfan Pathan - So we always knew he had potential in the looks department (well, I did), but this season he has us clean BOWLED! That strapping form running in to bowl a length delivery, and then taking a wicket, is certainly a sight to behold. What have the Indians been eating?

4. Dwayne Bravo - For those of you who thought Ackee was the tastiest island delight the Carribbean had to offer, think again! Dwayne Bravo, with those diamond studs, gold chain that looks heavier than Dinesh Karthik, and that Rap Star Swagger, is enough to make any girl weak at the knees...yeah maaan! And did I mention...he packs a punch with bat and ball?

3. Manpreet Gony - Well this guy's been a hottie for a while, but this season he's unleashed a whole new can of hotness on the world of cricket. He may not be performing with the ball, but his bedroom eyes, 6.4 frame and inked arms have left many a broken heart in their wake!

2. Zaheer Khan - Age really is nothing but a number, and in Zak's case, it's a lucky number! This fast bowler is 1.85 metres of hotness personified! Having a great run with the ball in IPL 3, he's taking wickets faster than we can say "Bowl me over!" What makes him even better is the genuine nice guy persona. We hope to see Zak for many more IPL editions to come!

And now...in Pole Position...the number one hottie of IPL 3...

1. ANGELO MATHEWS - One of Sri Lanka's finest. 6 feet of pure, dark chocolate indulgence. Angelo Mathews has been in fine form with the bat and has even taken a few wickets for the Knight Riders this season. His cool and composed nature on the field, along with his superb stroke play and 100% dedication to every single game make him this IPL's hottest property.

Hope you've enjoyed this highlights package! Please let me know who made the grade for your IPL 3 Hotties list.

IPL the Modern-day Mahatma

I read today that the Chennai Super Kings and the Mumbai Indians are the two IPL teams that have garnered the most support here in SA. Having been to some of the games and just observing people and their opinions toward the IPL, it seems as though this is not merely a coincidence. In my opinion, this may not even be attributed to the marketing campaigns of these two teams...as the Kolkata Knight Riders have a pretty impressive marketing strategy too. In my humble opinion, being a South African Indian whose great great grandparents were brought here as indentured labourers from Chennai (then known as Madras), the thing that makes these two teams the obvious choice to support is that most Indians in South Africa have their roots in either Mumbai or Chennai. You see there exists a generation of South Africans, mostly those born in the eighties, who are proud of their Indian heritage and are desperately seeking a way back to their roots.

The IPL has showcased a brand of "Desi Cool" that has blown South Africans away. Suddenly us SA Indians are not "coolies" anymore, just COOL. To some extent it angers me (ever so slightly) that it took bright lights, bollywood superstars and international cricketers to highlight the greatness of Indians, when for years we have worked hard, educated ourselves and made the transition from worthless slaves to integral cogs in the wheel of South African society. But it also brings great joy to see people of all races cheering on the Chennai Super Kings, Mumbai Indians, Delhi Daredevils, Kolkata Knight Riders and the like.

Thank you to the IPL for what you have done in elevating our status!

Here's hoping Chennai wins it!

Does a woman have to lead a solitary life in pursuit of success?

Condoleezza Rice, former US Secretary of State, has at the age of 55 never been married. She has no children. She has been romantically linked to only one man, in 1970, and that alledgedly ended because "the relationship would not work on an intellectual level."

Condoleezza Rice was the first woman in the history of the United States to hold the position of National Security Advisor (under the Bush Administration 2001-2005). She was the first black woman, the second African-American (after predecessor Colin Powell) and the second woman (Madeleine Allbright being the first) to hold the office of US Secretary of State (under the Bush Administration 2005-2009).

She was named "Most Powerful Woman in the World" by Forbes magazine in 2004 and 2005, and ranked second on that list in 2006.

In addition, Condoleezza appeared on Time magazine's "World's 100 Most Influential People" list four times. There are only six other people in the world who have made the list that frequently.

Yet if she were to visit my hometown, all people would say is "Shame, she's still not married."

In a world full of women that claim to be so "liberated," a woman's worth is apparently still based on the husband she does or does not have.

Know your status

"Realisation of Human Rights and fundamental freedoms for all is essential to reduce vulnerability to HIV/Aids. Respect for the rights of people living with HIV/Aids drives an effective response." - Declaration of Commitment adopted at the United Nations General Assembly Special Session on HIV/Aids, June 2001 -

It has been said: HIV DOES NOT KILL PEOPLE. PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE. Let me explain:

We have killed each other with our ignorance, our prejudice, and our silence. AIDS is not a distant threat…it is a present danger. It sees no colour, creed, race or religion. It sees not male or female, rich or poor.

We may take refuge in our stereotypes, but we cannot hide there long, because HIV asks only one thing of those it attacks.

Are you human?

YOU cannot cure those with AIDS…but YOU can prevent others from getting it.
Know your status.

The Change You Wish to See

Wow. Change has indeed come to America. Whether it is because of a people's belief in a man, or his words, remains to be seen. The important thing is that change HAS come. And it is not the political change that is important. What's important is the change in people's perceptions of themselves, and what they are able to do, that is important. A change in people's perceptions of the world around them. A change that has come about solely because of one man's powerful use of words. He has succeeded in getting an entire generation to care about things that their parents saw no point to. He has lifted the stain of political apathy that has for many years tarnished the American flag.

Whether he was driven by passion, purpose, people, or a need to create a world in which he could fit in, the point is, he got there. Yes, he has a mammoth task ahead. Yes, he may not achieve all his objectives in his term. Yes, he may disappoint at times, as all humans do. But i believe in his belief. And I thank God that he sent this awe-inspiring man to free minds from their own prison. To free hearts from circumstantial cynicism. And to inspire a generation across nations.