How to fall in love with your lonely life

This post is for all the beautiful, talented, got-their-s#%@-together, responsible, 30-something single girls (and  guys) out there. Because I am female, I write from a feminine perspective, but I hope this post is relatable irrespective of gender. I've been reading a lot lately about creating the reality you want. I definitely believe that the Universe reciprocates positive energy and God responds to our faith. But I also know how tough it can be to remember all the nuggets found in all the self-improvement literature we've devoured and vociferously advocated all week, in that moment on a Friday night or Saturday morning when we find ourselves all alone in the world. And while we may have a wonderful social circle, friends and family who love us and the cutest puppy on the entire planet as our constant and consistent cuddle-buddy, in those moments of weakness, all this pales in comparison to our looming loneliness for eternity (I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this dramatic about my feelings)!

Your best girlfriends are usually taking their kids to Tennis or Ballet on a Saturday morning, your younger siblings are off on another carefree adventure, your closest cousins are coupled off and as such doing "couply" things and you find yourself wondering why you didn't give that guy who texts you everyday just to tell you what day of the week it is a chance to woo you (the reason you didn't is because there was no chemistry and you refuse to settle for a guy who may run out of conversational topics within the first two days of an entire life together). You think about texting the guy you're "having fun with - nothing serious", but then you remember there is NOTHING FUN about not hearing from him every Friday night...so your pride gets the better of you.

Well, here's how you fall in love with your lonely life:

1. CREATE A SANCTUARY
Your home is just that, yours. Decorate it your way. Fill it with the scents, sights and sounds that YOU love. Scented candles, luxurious linen, music that soothes the soul.

2. PLAY HOST EVEN WHEN NO-ONE IS VISITING
We're all great hosts/hostesses when we have guests over. We cook delicious meals, lay out elaborate snack spreads and even break out the "good wine". But when we're alone it just seems like it isn't worth the effort. Well it is. So make yourself that delicious meal, set out a platter of snacks and pour yourself a glass of the good wine. Because, you're worth it!

3. ENJOY THE SWEET PLEASURE OF NOTHINGNESS
Do nothing, all day. Lie in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, with nowhere to be and no-one to see. Run a bubble bath, pour some wine and listen to the best of Kenny G (that's my bath-time ritual - you may prefer a different musical selection), re-filling the tub with hot water when necessary and feeling the tension leave your body, with no-one calling out your name or asking you what time dinner will be ready.

4. RE-IGNITE YOUR INNER ROMANTIC

Watch the movies you love, those old movies that no significant other ever wanted to watch with you on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Queue up some favourites (some of mine are Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Way We Were, When Harry Met Sally) and enjoy an entire bowl of butter popcorn all to yourself as you swoon over the likes of Robert Redford and George Peppard, lamenting the fact that they "just don't make them like that anymore" (the movies or the men)!

5. FIND YOUR JOIE-DE-VIVRE
Put on some banging club tunes and unleash your inner Missy Elliott, or walk like an Egyptian to the sounds of the '80's. Dance like no-one is watching, 'cos there is literally NO-ONE watching (except aforementioned cute puppy).

6. RE-DISCOVER YOUR INNER CHILD
Sit outside, on a blanket, in the sun (with some SPF 50 on), enjoying the sounds of nature as you lose yourself in a colouring book...for a few hours...with nothing to worry about but what colour you will use next.

7. FEED YOUR MIND
Spend the entire day reading a bestseller that no-one else you know has had the time to read yet. Or re-read your old favourites (The Queen & I, Jane Eyre, Mansfield Park, the list really is endless). Reading is a way to travel, without leaving the comfort of home.

8. BINGE-WATCH ANYTHING YOU WANT
I once spent an entire weekend watching Tupac documentaries. Every single one I could find. Because my time is my own. And I can indulge my theories devoid of judgement.

9. BROWSE THE INTERNET WITH NO SPECIFIC RESEARCH SUBJECT IN MIND
Let your clicks take on a mind of their own...jump from one article to the next, getting lost in the wealth of information, imagery and entertainment (sometimes mindless drivel) readily available online. You may even stumble upon something interesting that you might love, like this blog!

10. DRESS UP, OR DRESS DOWN
Put on your fanciest satin lingerie and lie around with a rich avocado mask on your face, eating junk-food and sipping on frozen margaritas. Or veg in your most comfy sweats (you know the ones with the whole in the crotch that you just haven't gotten round to mending yet), quenching your thirst with champagne. There is no-one around to judge you or make you feel less than perfect for your choices.

We have this one life. And it's beautiful, and amazing, and indulgent, and sad, and everything in between. No-one walks the same path as you. You decide how to live your life, but do you really want to spend it waiting for a text back?

For my mom, a year later

Though words cannot adequately express how i feel, I tried anyway...

A year without rain, my soul is in drought
A year without sunshine, because I'm without
My mother, my all
I long for your call

The colours seeped out of my world
Everything faded to grey
It seems happiness was silenced
A year ago today

The pain is still unbearable
The sorrow still deep
Though I know God has his plans
I wish you were ours to keep

A broken version of the girl you raised
I'm not really myself any longer
Only having you back
Could make me feel stronger

You didn't just leave a void
We didn't just lose a mom
Dad didn't just lose a wife
We lost our whole life.

A different path...

Did you ever take a few steps without knowing where you were going? And then a few more steps... without thinking? And next thing you know, you're on a different path than you ever thought you would be...

We look at those around us with judgemental eyes, disdainful smiles and disappointed minds... thinking "what are they doing?" But do we know what we're doing? Do we know where we're going?

Perhaps the time has come to choose blissful ignorance rather than a lifetime of painful and unfruitful searching...perhaps the time has come to choose the people who want happiness rather than complexity...perhaps the time has come to choose something...rather than fall for anything...

Life is but a series of good days and bad days...

Wow...what an incredibly awesome day I had today! Cleaned the flat, went to gym...had a really good and ENJOYABLE workout (say whaaat?!?!), cooked a delish pasta, took the pooch for a looong walk, prepared a radio piece, wrote an audition soliloquy and then did my absolute favourite thing in the world to do...watched test cricket (SA vs. Australia)! And then I came to this really important realisation...life is but a series of good days and bad days. I found such comfort in the simplicity of it all. Then I basked in the glory of my "Ah moment" and just HAD to blog about it...cos that's just what we do!

Life is a funny thing…

I’ve travelled down this road in my mind so many times…visualizing every step of the way; every major milestone. I thought I knew how things would turn out, or at very least the closest possible permutation.

See as children we all have dreams, which turn into hopes by the time we hit high school. These hopes form the basis of goals when we embark on the university journey, and by the time we start our first job they’ve usually evolved into a checklist.

When I was a child I had dreams of being a doctor, or a politician, or a singer, or a Mickey Mouse Club Mouseketeer. By high-school, I had taken to idolizing the Mousketeers, but I realized I couldn’t be one…it just wasn’t going to happen. I was not a blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen wannabe from a small town in Texas, Arkansas or Louisiana…and I didn’t have a single parent bussing me around the American countryside to audition for everything and the Cat’s Pyjamas! So I studied subjects that would help me fulfil my hopes of becoming a doctor. By this point all my family and their family had caught onto this dream and harboured and nurtured and fed it every chance they got. I thrived on the idea of helping people and said the things everyone wanted to hear. School was never a struggle, but perhaps if I had taken subjects that I was passionate about, I may have been more inspired to study harder. Instead, I just plodded along and most of high school, as enjoyable as it was, is now a vague and distant memory.
I didn’t get into medical school because of a quota system to regulate the opportunity in a once apartheid-ruled state. So I took the next best thing – Biomedical Science. A year of plants, plants and more plants…NOT EXACTLY what I had in mind! After failing my Chemistry theory exam miserably (17%) to be exact, I decided to opt for laziness and went the route of a private party college, 3 hours of lectures a day…and completed my B.Com in Applied Economics.
Then I went to London for two amazing years but had to return to sunny (did I mention I hate the sun) South Africa thanks once again to the fact that I was born in this once apartheid-ruled state and I have no British ancestry.

After a few years of Marketing Communications, which I found frightfully enjoyable, I am now a Research Executive...go figure!

So now I am 27. A researcher, not a doctor. I still love to sing, but alas after 3 Idols appearances still not a famous singer. Where I once had dreams of being a beautiful bride at my winter wonderland white wedding at 27, I don’t even know one guy I would consider spending forever with (forever is a LOOOOOONG time). I don’t drive a Matte black BMW X5 with titanium spinners and blacked out windows. And I don’t live on a palatial estate with 15 bedrooms and a grass tennis court for a lawn in Kent.

So it begs the question, do there exist people in this strange world of ours whose lives turn out exactly as they planned? And if so, how do they do it? And if not, well…life is a funny thing, isn’t it?